Was cleaning out my email and came across this old exchange. In 2010, the horns sucked. They ended up finishing 5-7. Our game with them was in Austin, and Aggies bought up tickets in droves. Someone pointed out that on the Austin craigslist page, there was a horn fan berating other sips for selling their tickets to Aggies. His suggestion was to be a true horn and give the tickets away to a deserving sip family (i.e. his). Since he sounded like a deadbeat and dumbass, I decided to fuck with him. The exchange went as follows:
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: sale-3xb8k-2074364436@craigslist.org
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 1:25:06 PM
Subject: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! I AM SO SICK OF OUR HORNED BRETHREN SELLING TICKETS TO AGGY (boo) JUST FOR A COUPLE EXTRA DOLLARS.
My father, Juice Manfield, Class of 68, has had some complications from his monthly colonic, and our family has decided to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with him as he is recovering. Consequently, we have our six tickets in Section 30 available. It sounds like you only need five, but would you be willing to take all six? For whatever reason, most of our friends and family cannot attend this year's game against Aggy, so the tickets are available.
The only thing is, I have to make 100% sure that I am not giving away any tickets to worthless Aggy. Just send me a picture of you and your four kids decked out in Burnt Orange, and the tickets are yours!!! Look forward to getting some TRUE LONGHORNS in these seats!!!
http://austin.craigslist.org/tix/2074364436.html
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 11:36:09 -0800
From: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Let me try and find a picture I know I have my daughters with Cat osterman from a few years ago.I will run home and try and find them and send it too you.
Regards
Billy
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To
redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 2:04:18 PM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
Sounds like a great pic, Billy. I'll keep checking my e-mail every few minutes.
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 13:30:01 -0800
From: brwalker2008@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Hank -These are the ones I was looking for Cat Osterman and my Daughter and my younger daughter with the Texas Catcher Megan Willis
Regards
Billy
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 5:03:47 PM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
Thanks, Billy. Great looking family full of Horns. Your son has great facial structure.
I assume you'll be attending the game, too. What year did you graduate from UT? I have two kiddos that are full-blooded Horns, as well. My old lady is a Texas State alum, but she bleeds Burnt Orange, at least five days a month. LOL.
Anyway, are you in Austin during the week? I can try to get you the tickets or possibly leave them at the will call window.
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 15:26:36 -0800
From: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Hank
My Son is getting allot visits for Football right now he has had visits to TCU and several smaller schools. He is a defensive end. He is probably going to have to go to school else where in order to play football.
My daughters are all wanting to attend UT. My youngest is quite an athlete.
I went to UT in 84 but transferred to Ranger in order to play baseball. But I Love UT.
I get kidded all the time because most of my clothes are burnt orange.
I can meet you in Austin if you want to Maybe buy you lunch?
I can't tell you how excited the kids are going to be to get to go to this game
Thank you and your family so much for your kindness.
Regards
Billy
From: Juice Manfield <justicemanfield@yahoo.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 7:46:08 PM
Subject: ticket situation
Mr. Walker,
My name is Juice Manfield. I was recently alerted by my daughter-in-law Celeste that her husband (and my son), Hank, has engaged in talks with you regarding my season tickets. Celeste was kind enough to provide me your e-mail address so that I may set matters straight. Please let me be clear on this matter: My son is an imbecile. Hank is a liar, a thief, a cheat and an unmitigated pervert. Frankly, his greatest accomplishment in life is not being required to register his name and address with authorities whenever he moves.
Hank has no more business giving away my tickets than the man in the moon. I have begrudgingly allowed my dolt of a son to attend a handful of football games with me over the years. Inevitably, he ends up being beaten savagely and/or befouling his underpants after a marathon session of alcohol and narcotics consumption. Although his behavior is now commonplace with many of the season ticket holders around us, he will most certainly not attend any further contests as my guest.
Although his actions were taken without my knowledge, I would like to apologize to you regarding Hank. Unfortunately, I have already offered my tickets for sale. I have been offered $285/ticket for all 6. I am certainly willing to entertain a proposal from you in excess of that amount since you are a brother Longhorn, in a certain sense. I realize this is an inconvenience, but take solace in the fact that I'm about to beat my son with a shovel.
Hook 'em.
Justice "Juice" Manfield
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, November 23, 2010 9:21:22 AM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
What the hell did you say to my dad? That crazy son of a bitch came over and smashed the windows of my Ranger with a shovel!!!
I go out of my way to try to help another Horn out, and this is what I get. Thanks a lot, pal.
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: sale-3xb8k-2074364436@craigslist.org
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 1:25:06 PM
Subject: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! I AM SO SICK OF OUR HORNED BRETHREN SELLING TICKETS TO AGGY (boo) JUST FOR A COUPLE EXTRA DOLLARS.
My father, Juice Manfield, Class of 68, has had some complications from his monthly colonic, and our family has decided to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with him as he is recovering. Consequently, we have our six tickets in Section 30 available. It sounds like you only need five, but would you be willing to take all six? For whatever reason, most of our friends and family cannot attend this year's game against Aggy, so the tickets are available.
The only thing is, I have to make 100% sure that I am not giving away any tickets to worthless Aggy. Just send me a picture of you and your four kids decked out in Burnt Orange, and the tickets are yours!!! Look forward to getting some TRUE LONGHORNS in these seats!!!
http://austin.craigslist.org/tix/2074364436.html
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 11:36:09 -0800
From: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Let me try and find a picture I know I have my daughters with Cat osterman from a few years ago.I will run home and try and find them and send it too you.
Regards
Billy
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To
redacted)@yahoo.comSent: Mon, November 22, 2010 2:04:18 PM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
Sounds like a great pic, Billy. I'll keep checking my e-mail every few minutes.
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 13:30:01 -0800
From: brwalker2008@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Hank -These are the ones I was looking for Cat Osterman and my Daughter and my younger daughter with the Texas Catcher Megan Willis
Regards
Billy
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 5:03:47 PM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
Thanks, Billy. Great looking family full of Horns. Your son has great facial structure.
I assume you'll be attending the game, too. What year did you graduate from UT? I have two kiddos that are full-blooded Horns, as well. My old lady is a Texas State alum, but she bleeds Burnt Orange, at least five days a month. LOL.
Anyway, are you in Austin during the week? I can try to get you the tickets or possibly leave them at the will call window.
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 2010 15:26:36 -0800
From: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
To: hankstormer@hotmail.com
Hank
My Son is getting allot visits for Football right now he has had visits to TCU and several smaller schools. He is a defensive end. He is probably going to have to go to school else where in order to play football.
My daughters are all wanting to attend UT. My youngest is quite an athlete.
I went to UT in 84 but transferred to Ranger in order to play baseball. But I Love UT.
I get kidded all the time because most of my clothes are burnt orange.
I can meet you in Austin if you want to Maybe buy you lunch?
I can't tell you how excited the kids are going to be to get to go to this game
Thank you and your family so much for your kindness.
Regards
Billy
From: Juice Manfield <justicemanfield@yahoo.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Mon, November 22, 2010 7:46:08 PM
Subject: ticket situation
Mr. Walker,
My name is Juice Manfield. I was recently alerted by my daughter-in-law Celeste that her husband (and my son), Hank, has engaged in talks with you regarding my season tickets. Celeste was kind enough to provide me your e-mail address so that I may set matters straight. Please let me be clear on this matter: My son is an imbecile. Hank is a liar, a thief, a cheat and an unmitigated pervert. Frankly, his greatest accomplishment in life is not being required to register his name and address with authorities whenever he moves.
Hank has no more business giving away my tickets than the man in the moon. I have begrudgingly allowed my dolt of a son to attend a handful of football games with me over the years. Inevitably, he ends up being beaten savagely and/or befouling his underpants after a marathon session of alcohol and narcotics consumption. Although his behavior is now commonplace with many of the season ticket holders around us, he will most certainly not attend any further contests as my guest.
Although his actions were taken without my knowledge, I would like to apologize to you regarding Hank. Unfortunately, I have already offered my tickets for sale. I have been offered $285/ticket for all 6. I am certainly willing to entertain a proposal from you in excess of that amount since you are a brother Longhorn, in a certain sense. I realize this is an inconvenience, but take solace in the fact that I'm about to beat my son with a shovel.
Hook 'em.
Justice "Juice" Manfield
From: Hank Stormer <hankstormer@hotmail.com>
To: (redacted)@yahoo.com
Sent: Tue, November 23, 2010 9:21:22 AM
Subject: RE: Texas Fans - $1 (Austin)
What the hell did you say to my dad? That crazy son of a bitch came over and smashed the windows of my Ranger with a shovel!!!
I go out of my way to try to help another Horn out, and this is what I get. Thanks a lot, pal.
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