I posted this one on here about 15 - 20 years ago. Time to revisit for the newbies...
1986...I was 22 years old and in the prime of my young party life. I was on the V.I.P. Guest List at Dallas' famous (back in the day) Starck Club. I lived there 4 nights a week (Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun) and did Mistral Club (European theme with similar Euro Dance music as Starck) at The Anatole Hotel on Tuesdays.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's proceed....a good friend of mine from Corsicana, son of a rich Orthodontist and sometimes a Starck attendee (we called them Tourists), called me up and asked if I would go on a date with his girlfriend's best friend? He said this gal and her boyfriend had just cut ties and she was all broken up about it. Of course my first question before saying "yes" was....is she hot? John replied, "Oh Dude...she's incredibly hot and if I wasn't with my girlfriend I would be trying to bang this chick!" Okay, that was good enough for me since John was a good friend...though somewhat of a prankster, he knew not to cross me! I told him I have never done the "blind date" thing and I'm not too crazy about missing a night at Starck Club but would gladly miss a night for a chance at a smokin' hot babe...but my pet peeve back in my younger years was NO FAT CHICKS. Of course that was everyone's pet peeve during young years.
So the infamous night arrived. John was attending Baylor to become a tooth doc like his old man. My instructions were to drive to Waco and meet him, his GF and the blind date at the club. Forgive me if I can't remember the name of the club (I've tried to forget) but it was a more popular dance club on Valley Mills Drive. Again, I was told to just be at the club around 8 pm and find them. Easy enough. So I walk into the club shortly after 8 pm. I looked around the club at all the small tables trying to find my friend John. Nope...so I made my way to the dance floor to see if they were dancing...and BINGO! There was John and his beautiful GF. So my first thought before approaching them on the dance floor was "I wonder where this blind date hot chick is located?"...I scoped every chick dancing close to them and the only gal I could find was pushing two bills. Like I said, back in the day, I was a NO FAT CHICKS guy...and my no fat chicks definition meant nothing over 140 lbs. So if this gal is my blind date, I'm beating the ever loving shit out of John!
I made my way slowly toward them, blood pressure on the rise, hands shaking....and as I walked up to them, John notices me and says, "RONNIE!!! YOU MADE IT!!!" He gives me the brother hug and hand shake, then proceeds to say, "You remember my gf, Jessica? (Yep)...and I want to introduce you to her best friend (can't remember name and tried to forget)"....I know I could be an asshole at times but even back then, I considered myself a gentleman ...so I stuck my hand out to shake her hand and say "Glad to meet you"....then I gave John a look that he'll never forget....and you can imagine the look I gave him.
After some idle chit-chat at the table with this walrus, I was already planning my escape. Before I could finish planning and execute said "escape" , John and his GF said "Hey y'all, let's go back to our apartment (John and GF lived together) and have some drinks and party"...I was like, "You've got to be fk'ing kidding me?" ...I guess I was just too nice of a guy and didn't want to hurt this gal's feelings but there is NO FK'ING WAY I'm going to bed down with this gal....NO FK'ING WAY! So I just nodded my head in agreement to meet them at their apartment. Naturally "The Blob" rode in my car on the way over. Her legs took up the entire leg room of the passenger side. The entire ride over I'm fuming and thinking "When this is over, I'm going to cave that asshole's face in!!!"
We arrive at John and Jessica's apartment and John already has the blender going for the girls...and I make my favorite Tanker/Tonic. I normally didn't drink hard or a lot back in those days but I started drinking HARD from the get-go. After about 30 minutes of drinking and jamming some Starck tunes from my personal made after-party cassette, John and his GF decide to head to their bedroom to...well, you know...leaving me in there alone with Biggun. I kept telling myself repeatedly in my mind, "This ain't gonna happen, this ain't gonna happen, this ain't gonna happen..." ...soooooo, Biggun takes a seat verrrry close to me and waste no time. She starts rubbing on my leg, whispering hot shit in my ear...kissing my neck...then finally moves her hand over my schlong. Now before I go any further, just picture me sitting there, frozen stiff (no pun)...staring at the wall...and telling myself "This ain't gonna happen"...well, her hand....started feeling really, really good...which of course, got me aroused...so much so that I finally decided "This is probably going to happen but that asshole John better not tell anyone"....SO....I finally took an active part and started kissing her. God she had the biggest mouth and tongue my mouth has ever made contact with!!!!l We made our way to the floor (it was a one bedroom apartment)...kissing, touching, feeling (Journey eat your heart out)...until finally I had to skin them britches off her...but first the top...OH, MY EYES....MY EYESSS!!! Grab another Tanker/Tonic Ronnie....so I unzipped her pants and started to pull them down....only took me about 10 minutes to get them off! Slung them to the side and went for the panties...my eyes will NEVER be the same! Within 1 or 2 seconds after removing those panties, the worst stench I've ever smelled hit me! Before that moment, I would put my erection status at about a 6 or 7 (and that is probably a stretch...again, no pun) on an erection scale of 1 - 10. Well, immediately after the stench hit me, I went to 0....ZERO! I knew then that THIS AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So I jumped up, told her I'm sorry to leave her like that but I have a girlfriend (Of course I lied) and I just can't do this to her. Got dressed,,,she never said a word, and I exited that place like my ass was on fire! It was getting close to midnight but I drove back to Corsicana that night...the entire time thinking, "When I see that bastard again, I'm going to hurt him bad....REAL BAD!"
I didn't speak to John for almost a year BUT when we finally crossed paths again, I told him I'm holding an ass whipping card in my pocket and I may or may not use it...but he owes me!
Now before any of you Holier Than Thou or sanctimonious assholes want to place judgement on me, allow me to say that I finally came to grips years later with my "No Fat Chicks" rule. I still didn't go after them but I always felt bad about leaving that girl naked in the floor. I married a gal that was OVER my 140 pound rule and she never got under it...and I love her with all my heart.
Let's see what you folks got. Can any of you top THAT???
1986...I was 22 years old and in the prime of my young party life. I was on the V.I.P. Guest List at Dallas' famous (back in the day) Starck Club. I lived there 4 nights a week (Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun) and did Mistral Club (European theme with similar Euro Dance music as Starck) at The Anatole Hotel on Tuesdays.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's proceed....a good friend of mine from Corsicana, son of a rich Orthodontist and sometimes a Starck attendee (we called them Tourists), called me up and asked if I would go on a date with his girlfriend's best friend? He said this gal and her boyfriend had just cut ties and she was all broken up about it. Of course my first question before saying "yes" was....is she hot? John replied, "Oh Dude...she's incredibly hot and if I wasn't with my girlfriend I would be trying to bang this chick!" Okay, that was good enough for me since John was a good friend...though somewhat of a prankster, he knew not to cross me! I told him I have never done the "blind date" thing and I'm not too crazy about missing a night at Starck Club but would gladly miss a night for a chance at a smokin' hot babe...but my pet peeve back in my younger years was NO FAT CHICKS. Of course that was everyone's pet peeve during young years.
So the infamous night arrived. John was attending Baylor to become a tooth doc like his old man. My instructions were to drive to Waco and meet him, his GF and the blind date at the club. Forgive me if I can't remember the name of the club (I've tried to forget) but it was a more popular dance club on Valley Mills Drive. Again, I was told to just be at the club around 8 pm and find them. Easy enough. So I walk into the club shortly after 8 pm. I looked around the club at all the small tables trying to find my friend John. Nope...so I made my way to the dance floor to see if they were dancing...and BINGO! There was John and his beautiful GF. So my first thought before approaching them on the dance floor was "I wonder where this blind date hot chick is located?"...I scoped every chick dancing close to them and the only gal I could find was pushing two bills. Like I said, back in the day, I was a NO FAT CHICKS guy...and my no fat chicks definition meant nothing over 140 lbs. So if this gal is my blind date, I'm beating the ever loving shit out of John!
I made my way slowly toward them, blood pressure on the rise, hands shaking....and as I walked up to them, John notices me and says, "RONNIE!!! YOU MADE IT!!!" He gives me the brother hug and hand shake, then proceeds to say, "You remember my gf, Jessica? (Yep)...and I want to introduce you to her best friend (can't remember name and tried to forget)"....I know I could be an asshole at times but even back then, I considered myself a gentleman ...so I stuck my hand out to shake her hand and say "Glad to meet you"....then I gave John a look that he'll never forget....and you can imagine the look I gave him.
After some idle chit-chat at the table with this walrus, I was already planning my escape. Before I could finish planning and execute said "escape" , John and his GF said "Hey y'all, let's go back to our apartment (John and GF lived together) and have some drinks and party"...I was like, "You've got to be fk'ing kidding me?" ...I guess I was just too nice of a guy and didn't want to hurt this gal's feelings but there is NO FK'ING WAY I'm going to bed down with this gal....NO FK'ING WAY! So I just nodded my head in agreement to meet them at their apartment. Naturally "The Blob" rode in my car on the way over. Her legs took up the entire leg room of the passenger side. The entire ride over I'm fuming and thinking "When this is over, I'm going to cave that asshole's face in!!!"
We arrive at John and Jessica's apartment and John already has the blender going for the girls...and I make my favorite Tanker/Tonic. I normally didn't drink hard or a lot back in those days but I started drinking HARD from the get-go. After about 30 minutes of drinking and jamming some Starck tunes from my personal made after-party cassette, John and his GF decide to head to their bedroom to...well, you know...leaving me in there alone with Biggun. I kept telling myself repeatedly in my mind, "This ain't gonna happen, this ain't gonna happen, this ain't gonna happen..." ...soooooo, Biggun takes a seat verrrry close to me and waste no time. She starts rubbing on my leg, whispering hot shit in my ear...kissing my neck...then finally moves her hand over my schlong. Now before I go any further, just picture me sitting there, frozen stiff (no pun)...staring at the wall...and telling myself "This ain't gonna happen"...well, her hand....started feeling really, really good...which of course, got me aroused...so much so that I finally decided "This is probably going to happen but that asshole John better not tell anyone"....SO....I finally took an active part and started kissing her. God she had the biggest mouth and tongue my mouth has ever made contact with!!!!l We made our way to the floor (it was a one bedroom apartment)...kissing, touching, feeling (Journey eat your heart out)...until finally I had to skin them britches off her...but first the top...OH, MY EYES....MY EYESSS!!! Grab another Tanker/Tonic Ronnie....so I unzipped her pants and started to pull them down....only took me about 10 minutes to get them off! Slung them to the side and went for the panties...my eyes will NEVER be the same! Within 1 or 2 seconds after removing those panties, the worst stench I've ever smelled hit me! Before that moment, I would put my erection status at about a 6 or 7 (and that is probably a stretch...again, no pun) on an erection scale of 1 - 10. Well, immediately after the stench hit me, I went to 0....ZERO! I knew then that THIS AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So I jumped up, told her I'm sorry to leave her like that but I have a girlfriend (Of course I lied) and I just can't do this to her. Got dressed,,,she never said a word, and I exited that place like my ass was on fire! It was getting close to midnight but I drove back to Corsicana that night...the entire time thinking, "When I see that bastard again, I'm going to hurt him bad....REAL BAD!"
I didn't speak to John for almost a year BUT when we finally crossed paths again, I told him I'm holding an ass whipping card in my pocket and I may or may not use it...but he owes me!
Now before any of you Holier Than Thou or sanctimonious assholes want to place judgement on me, allow me to say that I finally came to grips years later with my "No Fat Chicks" rule. I still didn't go after them but I always felt bad about leaving that girl naked in the floor. I married a gal that was OVER my 140 pound rule and she never got under it...and I love her with all my heart.
Let's see what you folks got. Can any of you top THAT???
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